kat_in_a_box | "When will he be back?"

"When will he be back?"

Who: Hiro Hamada and Baymax
Where: Hiro's home
Summary: Hiro catches Baymax messing with things he shouldn't be!
Warnings: SADNESS? And spoilers.

[Hiro was at school for the day, leaving Baymax once more to his own devices at home. It had been a few months since their little adventure in tracking down Callaghan, stopping his plans to hurt Krei, and saving his daughter from within the unstable portal.

This also, of course, meant that it had been a few months since the robot had learned about the all-too-soon death of his creator.

The robot's curiosity, and Hiro's absence, is what leads him to Tadashi's section of the room upstairs, still untouched after all this time, his charging dock having been moved to Hiro's section of the room the same day Hiro had accidentally activated him. Hiro had been healing, recovering from the loss of his brother, Baymax had made sure of that much. And yet, there were some boundaries the robot knew Hiro wasn't ready to push. He always got uncomfortable when Baymax even made an attempt to approach Tadashi's belongings. Not wanting to cause distress, the robot didn't bother with it.

But the screen door had been bumped slightly ajar that morning, without Hiro even seeming to notice, and the sight of the room had been bothering the robot all day long...

When Baymax entered that small section of the room and started messing around with Tadashi's things, he hadn't meant to spend the entire day there. He organized, and even read, several of the books he'd knocked around before, smoothed out the sheets on the bed, put away any loose belongings or clothes... unintentionally, the robot had caused it to look less lived in than before, if only because he figured an organized living space would make his late creator - and Hiro - a little more comfortable.

Baymax loses track of time after a while, and is sitting on the edge of Tadashi's bed, holding his baseball cap in his big, squishy hands, just staring at it... He doesn't even realize how late it's gotten, and that Hiro will be home any second now, and that he really shouldn't be where he is right now...]

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[Most days, Hiro would take Baymax with him to the lab, because the nurse bot seemed to like helping, and anyway he enjoyed the company in the walled-off back corner that had once been Tadashi's workspace. Today had been all classes and exam prep, though, so he'd left Baymax at home. Genius he may be, but he's still only fourteen and adjusting to the relentless pace of university studies is hard, on top of getting into things almost a month late. End of first semester stresses don't help.

Which means when he gets home, he's tired and maybe a little more grumpy than he should be - more volatile and more likely to overreact when he finds Baymax sitting on his brother's bed, holding Tadashi's signature ball cap in his hands.]

Baymax, what are you doing? Don't - don't touch that -

[He drops his backpack by the stairs with a thunk and crosses the room in an instant, snatching Tadashi's hat from Baymax's hands. And then he takes in the rest of Tadashi's living space: cleaned, organized, the little mess his brother had left behind put away. The sight tugs a quiet, distressed noise from him, stirring a distinctly familiar ache of loss in his chest.

He'd done a lot to grieve and move on after losing his brother, to piece together a new direction from the ashes of the expo hall - everything from continuing Tadashi's desire to help people in his own way, to rebuilding Baymax, to taking over his brother's old lab space and making it his own. But there were a few things he hadn't dared to touch yet, and one of those was his brother's half of their bedroom.

He'd left the mess - the hat on the bed, the books on the bedside table, the jacket hanging on the bedpost, all of it. It looked like Tadashi had just stepped out for a bit, and he'd be back any second. He hadn't been ready to let go of that one thing yet, and he wasn't ready for it now.

He shouldn't be mad at Baymax, because maybe Baymax doesn't understand and he knows the nurse bot isn't trying to hurt him on purpose - but still, Hiro's only fourteen, and his emotions are wildly unpredictable even without the too-recent loss of his older brother. When he feels things, he feels them without boundaries or control.

Which means when the shock wears off, anger and grief replace it. He scowls and climbs onto the bed, trying to push Baymax off and out of his brother's space.]

Get off, get off! You know you're not supposed to be in here -

[He shoves, and in his haste he stumbles and falls back into a sitting position on the bed. Instead of getting up, he stays where he is, silently staring down at Tadashi's hat in his hands. It's cold, it hasn't been worn in months, but still - as long as he didn't touch it, the illusion was still there.

And now it's gone.

He scans around the room, and then his eyes fix on Baymax, confused and angry and - god, he doesn't even know.]

What did you do? I told you not to mess with Tadashi's stuff, and now it's - it's not the same.

[Nothing's the same, not since the fire, and it never will be.]

Edited 2014-11-12 20:00 (UTC)

[Baymax is startled when he hears Hiro come into the bedroom, and equally as shocked when he snatches the hat out of his hands. As soon as Hiro starts shoving on him, Baymax is immediately up on his feet, balloon belly knocking several books and items off of the nearby shelf that he'd spent all day organizing. He's aware, that he wasn't supposed to be there, but Hiro's reaction confuses the robot.]

I thought if I cleaned up, it would make you happy. I'm sorry for any trouble I caused.

[Baymax watches Hiro carefully, then stares down at the baseball cap in his hands, blinking. He doesn't get what Hiro means by it not being the same.]

I promise none of Tadashi's belongings have been altered. Everything is the same.

It's not! [The poor hat is twisted and crumpled in his hands from clenched fingers, and he flings it on the bed, a final note of frustration.] It's not the same, you don't - get it -

[He scoots off the bed. In a moment of desperation he fingers through the textbooks on the shelves, trying to remember which ones where out, and where, but there's no point; he's barely looked at this half of the room in months, he can't remember exactly how it was. And anyway, as quick as the impulse to "put it right" seizes him, he realizes how stupid it is; he can put everything back exactly the same as it was, but he'll always know it's fake.

His hands drop to his sides, and he lets out a harsh breath, resting his forehead against the bookshelf.]

It just looks empty, okay? [Hiro snaps, glaring to the side at Baymax standing there staring at him, the books on the floor. And just as quickly he realizes how stupid that is, too. Hiro barely understands what he's feeling himself; how is he supposed to expect Baymax to understand? Robots aren't supposed to feel emotion, and while Hiro might think Baymax is an exception, sometimes he's not sure if it's true or if he's just projecting emotions he wants Baymax to feel.]

...It is empty. It's been empty, for months, because Tadashi's gone and he's not coming back. I guess there's no point in pretending otherwise, is there?

[Baymax watches as he puts his forehead against the bookshelf. Hiro is hurting, and he's the one who caused it. He realizes what he means, as soon as he mentions that he's been pretending. There must have been some level of comfort in having this half of the room remain the way it was the day that Tadashi died, which helped Hiro to cope with his feelings of grief. Baymax didn't even consider it that way, if only because it didn't make much sense to him. But he did understand his mistake.

The robot looks away from Hiro to the baseball cap laying crumpled on the bed. He shuffles over mechanically, reaching down and picking it up in his hands again. He smooths it carefully with his rubber fingers.]

Tadashi is here.

[Baymax turns around and gently places the hat on Hiro's head, backwards.]

I am sorry, if I made you upset. I didn't realize you wanted it to stay the way it was.

[Tadashi is here. Baymax always, always insisted it. Hiro had come to understand and believe it at some point, but sometimes he still forgets.

For a long while - maybe a few minutes, or maybe just a few seconds - Hiro stays where he is, one hand tugging at the front of his shirt where he can still feel the hollow ache in his chest. This is just another reminder: that it never really goes away. With time, the edges dull and it's not so bad, but it's still there and the smallest thing can bring it back in force.]

It's...not your fault. It's me. I gotta deal with it at some point.

[It hurts bitterly, and he has to force himself to say it, but he can't blame Baymax. The nurse bot is the closest link he has left to his brother. He crawls back onto Tadashi's bed and grabs for one of Baymax's hands, tugging like a needy little kid for him to sit back down.

He may have been mad for a second, but he needs Baymax, right now especially.]

Tadashi's not here. [He says it, but then he reaches out and taps the spot right over where Baymax's heart would be if he had one, where his programming chip is instead.] He's here. M'sorry. You can sit back down if you want.

[Baymax blinks a bit at Hiro's change in demeanor, that outburst of energy turning solemn, going cold again. The robot is a bit confused when Hiro pulls on his hand, leading him to sit back down where he'd been sitting before. He complies, and sits down beside him after Hiro touches the little compartment on his chest where his two chips were located. Baymax gently pokes the compartment door with one big finger.]

Here.

[He gently reaches over and pokes Hiro over his heart, tilting his head.

After a moment, he feels compelled to add:]

I didn't mind standing. If you'd prefer for me to stand, I can do that for you, Hiro.

[Hiro shakes his head, unusually quiet for the moment. He needs a second. Or something. He looks down at Baymax's finger, pressed over his heart so gently, and heaves a shaky sigh that's very nearly a broken sob.

Reaching to tug Tadashi's hat off his head, he clutches it tightly to his chest, until his fingers are numb and a few of the stitches inside the brim pop from the stress. Leaving Tadashi's room untouched had just seemed like a boy's silly sentiment at the time; he wouldn't have thought cleaning it would trigger a breakdown like this.]

It hurts. I miss him. [He just sort of blurts it out, numb and quiet.] It's been months, and it still hurts. You're the healthcare robot, right? How am I supposed to make this stop? Because I've done everything, I've cried and I've gotten mad and I've done the, the stages of grief, all that stuff. It won't quit.

All healing takes time. More severe injuries often need more time to heal; there is always the possibility of scarring from severe injury.

[It's the only way Baymax can think to put it. He isn't sure if missing Tadashi is ever going to stop; even he wishes his creator had lived a long and healthy life, and he doubts that sentiment is ever going to go away.

Baymax gently wraps his arms around Hiro, squishing the boy into his vinyl chest and arms.]

I am sorry, that you are still in pain. Would you like to talk to friends or loved ones? They may help you to cope.

[Again, he shakes his head. His friends might help him out with projects and hero things, but he doesn't make a habit of asking for help with things like emotions. Maybe it's a teenage boy thing. Maybe he's just really bad at it.

He shrinks in Baymax's arms; eventually he responds in kind, mechanically wrapping his arms around the robot as he stares at the far wall.]

Don't. I can't...I don't wanna talk to anybody right now. It's embarrassing. [He clings to Baymax instead, his fingers pressing light indents into the inflated vinyl.] Why'd you have to go through his stuff, anyway?

[He might be hugging the robot but yeah, he's still a little upset about it.]

[Baymax continues to hug him while he thinks on Hiro's question. He isn't sure how he should respond to that... Why did he go rummaging through Tadashi's things? He had his logical reasons, but he knows they weren't what prompted him to do it.]

For Tadashi.

[Baymax withdraws slightly to take the hat once more in his hand, the other arm still wrapped around Hiro. There's no expression on his face but his movements are slow, and melancholy.]

That...doesn't make any sense.

[Confused, Hiro sits up slightly, reluctant to let the hat go; but after a moment's tugging, he lets Baymax have it. He looks at Baymax, at the hat, then back again. This isn't the methodical, straightforward Baymax he's accustomed to.]

I don't understand. [His voice cracks slightly.] What do you mean, For Tadashi?

[Baymax stays silent for a bit, unsure of how to put it. He turns the hat in his hand slightly, looking over every angle, blinking, trying to find the words.]

Tadashi created me. Tadashi is my friend.

[Baymax closes his eyes, sinking into Hiro's hug slightly.]

Wait, wait, wait. But robots don't...feel affection, right?

[Hiro shakes his head, confused, trying to clear his thoughts. He knows he tends to project human traits like gender and emotion onto his brother's nurse bot, but even then Baymax has always been a little odd. Maybe more than normal over the past few months, though he hasn't paid as much attention because of school.

Whatever the case, he can't help but welcome a distraction. Hopefully robots don't feel hurt feelings, either.]

Um...what do you mean by friend? Do you have other friends?

[Baymax blinks and tilts his head to the left, then to the right.]

I was programmed to give care to my patients. Would it be incorrect of me to assume that those whom I care about are my friends?

[The robot is confused as to why Hiro is so surprised by the notion. Being a friend to those he cares for helps him to be a better healthcare giver, doesn't it? It's what Tadashi would have wanted.]

No! I mean...you're not wrong. It's just kinda really human of you.

[Hiro dangles his feet off the bed and scratches his head. He could just be imagining it because he wants Baymax to be more human, especially when he's upset like this. Maybe it's just wishful thinking.]

Or...I dunno. Maybe I'm being dumb. Do you ever feel feelings, Baymax?

[Baymax watches Hiro dangle his feet, and follows suit, kicking his little balloon legs just slightly over the edge of the bed.]

I am a robot. I have been programmed to express feelings the way a human being would, and my caregiving algorithm allows me to learn how to better express myself to human beings. I am not sure if I could describe my feelings as being the same as those of a human being. However, I have had feelings in the past that I could describe as: Concern. Regret. And Fear.

[He looks down at the hat in his hands, and touches the brim gently, where Hiro had damaged the seam.]

You are my friend, Hiro. [Baymax looks over at Hiro, expression gentle as always.]

...You're my friend too, Baymax.

[He blinks slowly a couple of times, content to just watch Baymax toying with Tadashi's hat and think about it. Yeah, Baymax is a robot, but he's a learning robot...and one who has all the data on how humans produce and express emotions loaded onto his healthcare chip, probably. Maybe it's not that far-fetched.]

Sorry about getting mad earlier. I guess I didn't realize you might feel anything about...well. About Tadashi. [He gives a small smile. He's talking about feelings with a robot, how weird.] Only concern and regret and fear, though? Bummer. Did you ever feel anything like, I dunno, happy feelings?

It is alright, I understand why you were upset. I am still sorry, for causing you distress.

[He pats Hiro on the head gently.

Baymax pauses, at his question... and thinks it over carefully, pondering his 'feelings'...]

I am happy when we fly. I am content when watching movies with you, and Aunt Cass. I am proud when I can help people, and they tell me that they are satisfied with their care.

That's...wow.

[At first, Hiro just smiles and stares at Baymax, because it takes a second for it all to process. And then his eyebrows shoot up and the smile turns into a look of wonder.]

Wow. [He's on his feet, running his hands through his hair and barely containing his excitement.] I mean, do you realize how cool that is? A robot with feelings?

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